Interview with Open Doors Reader Norah Leibow

Published in Open Doors Issue N. 3 April 2022

Norah is the author of the weekly newsletter “Be Soothed” an exploration of time, memo- ry, human connection, human dignity, frustration, nostalgia, shame, growth as reflected through architecture, design, and philosophy.

Lauren: If I told you, I have three incredible essays I want you to read, what would you hope they are about?

Norah: I hope they are about something I know nothing about. I want to read an essay that takes me somewhere I did not expect to go, or puts ideas together I would never have paired with each other. Also, I find negative reviews to be very interesting because when someone doesn’t like something but they still have to write about it for work, there is a very incredible delicacy and vagueness that emerges which is such a skill, and also like a little secret if you can read between the lines. Finally, there are so many essays right now about motherhood and the nuances and shifts that role is going through. I would love to read some essays about how fatherhood is changing, too–it must be, right?

Lauren: What are your top three tips for writing a great essay?

Norah: Do not hide who you are when writing an essay–I think sometimes peo- ple think because it is not fiction, this style of writing needs to be informative and emotionless. Truth is the ultimate key to an essay, and that truth includes how you really feel, as well. Not how you want to feel, not how you would casu- ally explain the experience at a dinner party, but how you deep down, ugly feel.

Don’t be afraid to rewrite. I often get to what I think is the end only to realize, oh, what I thought I was writing about is irrelevant and the last paragraph is what I was really trying to say. It’s tempting to hold the reins tight to the original thought because you’ve spent time in that direction, but if it’s not strong or not conveying what you really mean, chuck it. It’s still getting you where you want to go, so not wasted at all.

Structure. More than another other type of writing, essays are about structure. In a sense, you are making an argument. I always think of learning how to construct a convincing five-paragraph essay in high school–this is the same. Say what you are going to say, say it, then say it again. Every sentence must support your thesis, your argument, your main thread. Sometimes I write what I think is a lovely sentence, or there was a moment I want to describe that felt relevant to me but in the essay seems out of place–if it doesn’t support what I am trying to say, remove or rewrite.

Lauren: When does an essay not work?

Norah: I think this applies to any writing, but an essay doesn’t work when the writer is trying to write with the hallmarks of writing. Clichés, tropes, tired perspectives– these don’t feel genuine. When there is no soul, or it sounds generic, that is when an essay fails. For example, write about what you love about Italy, but don’t write about

the pasta being good, about the wine being delicious, the evening light being pretty. Write about when those things meet your soul, about all the experienc- es that brought you there to appreciate those things, because that alchemy can never be replicated by anyone else.

Lauren: You have a regular weekly, newsletter called “Be Soothed” – tell us a bit about it and what inspired you to start writing it!

Norah: It is an exploration of time, mem- ory, human connection, human dignity, frustration, nostalgia, shame, growth…. all reflected through architecture, de- sign, philosophy…and sort of whatever I am focused on at the time. It comes out each week covering such wide-ranging

topics such as the joy of writing out “BOOBIES” on your calculator when you are a kid, to the confusion of defining who you are without any concrete titles. It ranges. I hope it’s funny and interesting and engaging. I started writing it because I was stop- ping myself from producing any work because I felt like I wasn’t ready, as a writer. I didn’t want to fail, so I did nothing at all. Starting this newsletter became a way to be forced to formulate ideas and to give myself permission to put what I create out there because that is more important than if my writing is perfect. I’ll tell you now, it is far from perfect!

Lauren: What are some essayists or essay collections you love/admire?

Norah: Here’s a list:

• Taffy Brodesser-Akner is an amazing essaist and her profile of Gwyneth Paltrow in the New York Times is one of the funniest and most human things I’ve read in the last few years.
• “Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion” by Jia Tolentino is modern and crisp and delicate.
• Noble Rot–it’s a wine magazine but it really is about life, eating, drinking, travel- ing, family.
• “Here Let Us Feast” by M.F.K. Fisher it is a book of essays about eating and drinking.
• “Slouching Toward Bethlehem” by Joan Didion. You’ve heard of it and maybe read it, but read it again. Subtle, prickly, distant. She reveals herself through her observations.And now a few non fiction books or what I really think of as long essays:
• bell hooks, “All About Love”
• James Baldwin, “The Fire Next Time”
• Ta-Nehisi Coates, “Between the World and Me”
• Robert Sapolsky, “A Primate’s Memoir”

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Lauren: Writing is often described as a “spiritual practice” – do you agree or disagree?

Norah: I disagree. For me it feels compulsive. It follows me around, haunting me until I exorcise whatever it is out and onto the page. Maybe if I was more disciplined and treated it with the ritual worthy of a spiritual practice it wouldn’t build up like a demon inside me? I’ll probably never know….

Lauren: Tell us about your writing practice… do you favor discipline? Inspiration? Music? Silence? Time of day?

Norah: I have literally no schedule or discipline at all. I write early in the morning, late at night, after dinner, quickly between meetings, during a run I stop to jot things down. I used to read a lot about writers’ routines and how they wrote and it made me feel like I had to do that, like in order to be a writer I also had to wake up at 4am or something. But that made me concentrate on the wrong thing, because the schedule doesn’t matter if you’re writing. All that matters is the writing. If you want to, you will–if you don’t want to, you will find a way not to, no matter how many times you put it in your calendar.

And I can’t have any sounds of any kind. No music, no TV in the background–noth- ing.

Lauren: What is some great writing advice you’ve received? Or life advice you could apply to writing?

Norah: My best advice is instantly going to disqualify itself but: listen to yourself. If you have a message or a story or vision you want to convey, do it. And if the people you show it to don’t understand, just keep going, refine it or evolve it, but never doubt the worthiness of your work.

Lauren: Does art change things or does art reveal changes? Norah: Both!